Monday, December 12, 2011

Moving Past Fear





According to Cambridge online dictionary, Fear is "an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful or bad that is happening or might happen", which means that if you perceive a situation as  dangerous, painful or bad you have this feeling or thought of fear. So it depends on your perception of what is happening or might happen, not the reality, that you have the feeling. Interesting!
We may feel fear when we have to do something for the first time. For example, for someone who has to speak in front of hundreds of people for the first time, it is normal that they feel fear in this situation, and it is normal that their fear diminishes as they keep doing this over and over again. Their perception of the situation (and their feelings) will change every time they do it successfully. We may feel fear after a bad experience; a child who was subject to drowning in water may never forget this bad experience and could never try to learn to swim again. In this case, fear is not normal, as there are millions of people who go into the water every day without feeling any fear. The child’s perception of the experience is that it is dangerous; he will feel fearful until he changes this perception or he will keep this attitude forever. Therefore, in any perceived situation, there is a certain thought that causes a specific feeling that initiates our behavior. So our perceptions and our thoughts in the beginning are the cause behind the feeling of fear that we have. If we think what thoughts come to our mind when we are fearful, we realize that they are all negative thoughts. We could ask ourselves tens of “What If” questions that are usually the worst that could happen and eventually augment our fear.

For me, the most fearful moments relate to my sons. When they were younger, whenever anyone of them was severely injured or fell ill, I would feel terribly scared. Now, I feel fearful when I think they aren’t secure. Recently, because there was trouble in my country during the past few months, I wished I could keep them at home at all times but obviously I couldn’t; they had to go to school and to the club for their workouts while having to hear every day about kidnaps and riots in different areas of the city. It was a really hard time for me and I had to do something about it. I realized that I was always assuming the worst and this worst never happened. I realized that my thoughts were controlling how I felt, and as long as I was thinking negatively, I would never feel better. So, in similar situations, I started to not let negative thoughts creep into my mind, I remained alert to not let ‘What If’ questions start. I stood at the gateway of my mind, preventing any negative thought to come in.

Fear will never disappear from our lives. Sometimes it is good because it keeps us alert in dangerous situations, but most of the time it is not real; it depends on our perceptions and our thoughts. Moving past our fears totally depends on us. All we need is to resist our negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones and to stop assuming worst-case scenarios. If we cannot stop this, being prepared to face and deal with the worst case that could happen can be a powerful way to overcome our fears.

This post is part of a blog hop series sponsored by students and graduate Coaches of ICA. Please hop on over to their posts and see what else you can learn about ''Moving Past Fear''.

Intuitive Coaching:
Coachinu: 
In Sight Life Coaching:
GreenMountain Enrichment and Empowerment Center (Gotocoach):
Learner Focused Coaching: 
Kick Ass Website Coach : 
Joyful Growth Coach:
Esme Gosling - Money Coach: 

2 comments:

  1. A very interesting post. I have enjoyed reading this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are absolutely right about been unrealistic with our fears. I also have children and I admit having felt that ''out of the blue'' fear that something could happen to them. I learnt to listen to my fears and use those emotions to create coping strategies and prepare for what ever could happen. Once I have come up with a plan the fears go away.

    ReplyDelete