Monday, March 12, 2012

9 tips to deal with the guilt feeling (Mommy guilt 2)

In my post last week I talked about the feeling of guilt I had experienced during long years of my life and how it left me unhappy and drained most of the time. In this post, I will share some ideas I believe can help to reduce the feeling of guilt most of women experience at one stage or the other in her life.

9 Tips to Deal with the Feeling of Guilt

1-   Be clear about your values and your standards: Focus on living a life according to your values and don't compare yourself and your children to others, just compare them to your own standards. When your life is aligned with your values and your standards, you will feel more peaceful and more satisfied.

2-   Believe in yourself: When you believe in yourself, you believe in your capabilities and you feel more confident so it will not be easy for others to make you feel guilty. If you lack self-confidence and self-esteem, you can ask for the support of a professional to help you find out the reason of your low self-esteem and help you overcome it.

3-   Avoid people who reproach and criticize you or reduce your time with them: I believe that people who reproach or criticize others suffer low self-esteem and they project this feeling on others by finding their faults. This act makes them feel better about themselves. These people are energy drainers. Avoid them as much as possible or at least minimize your time with them and don't take what they say personally. Just let go of it and consider it as if they are talking about someone else.

4-   You have the right to say NO, when you avoid people or activities that are not making you any good you are honoring your happiness and your well-being; so don't feel guilty when you say No to someone who is draining your energy or something that is not adding any value to your life. Your happiness is your responsibility; so protect it and say a big NO to anything that is not supporting it.

5-   Deal with open issues to reduce the feeling of guilt: unresolved issues and unfinished projects are usually a source of guilty feelings, so for your happiness make-up your mind and finish pending issues or projects or totally forget about them.

6-   Be kind to yourself and acknowledge yourself: Notice how you speak to yourself. Do you speak kindly to yourself and acknowledge what you are doing? If you are not able to be kind to yourself, how do you expect others to be kind to you? You teach others how to treat you. Be your best friend, how do you treat your best friend?

7-   Accept the fact that we all make mistakes: Making mistakes is not a sin, we all did and will do mistakes; it's our way to learn. So if you made a mistake just accept it and find out what you can do to improve the situation. If you can, do it or let it go for good, feeling guilty won't change anything. It's over. 

8-   Forgive yourself and others: Forgive yourself when you have made mistakes, accept it and forgive others for their mistakes, it is the only way to get rid of the feeling of guilt. Forgiveness is recommended for your sake as the release of anger you are holding in your heart actually harms you not the person you are angry with.

9-   What you focus on increases: For the sake of your children, stop reproaching and criticizing them for their mistakes and start acknowledging them for their achievements. Do not nurture their feeling of guilt. When you appreciate your children’s efforts and their positive behavior, they will be encouraged to do more of the positive behavior to get more of your acknowledgement. Sometimes children behave inappropriately to grab your attention when the appropriate behavior doesn’t.  They need your attention and your acknowledgement, so focus on the encouragement and acknowledgement to enthuse them to do more of the good behavior. 

We are living in a new era, new environment, new mentality and new circumstances. Why waste our time in negative thoughts and feeling while we can shift to more positive feelings that bring happiness and satisfaction? All we need is to let go of all thoughts, feelings or behaviors that are not serving us anymore and replace them with new ones that are supporting us on our life journey and honor our happiness and well-being.

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